Getting Out of Bed

Just about everyone says they have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, but if you have depression it’s much harder. Every day when I wake up, I don’t want to get out of bed. It’s not because I’m too tired, but because I don’t have the willpower to get up. When I tell my legs to move out from under the covers, they don’t listen. I ask my arms to push me up from the bed, but they refuse.

My bed is a safe place for me, I can be by myself and not have to worry about anything hurting me. When Im in bed, I am the closest to at peace that I’ll ever be. My anxiety is washed away by the warmth of my blanket, and my depression is smothered under my pillow. My fan sounds like a gentle rain, and if I’m lucky, I’ll fall asleep and forget my pain.

Memory Loss

Depression is linked to short term memory loss, and I have felt this firsthand. I used to be able to remember just about anything. Now I have trouble remembering what I did the day before, or what I was thinking about a few minutes ago.

It’s a scary feeling not being able to remember these things. I’m worried that when I’m older, this part of my life will be a gray area of lost memories. Maybe that’s a good thing, because I don’t want to remember all of the things depression has made me do.

Recently, I’ve been trying to focus on the things I want to remember instead of taking them for granted. Sometimes I’ll be too invested in the past or future that I forget to live in the present. Even though this part of my life hasn’t been great, I still want to have these memories to share.

Am I Lazy?

Many times people assume that instead of being depressed, they’re just lazy. To someone without depression, both can look similar. This is why a family tends to think a depressed relative is ignoring them or doesn’t want to talk to them. Depression makes a person have a lot less energy, and takes away their drive to do anything. I even have trouble getting the drive to write this. To someone with depression, asking them to get dressed and go get some things from the store, is the same as asking a healthy person to go run a 10k. My advice is same for both of those things though, just take it slow.